Today I chose the 5 of Wands from the Legacy of the Divine Tarot, a little backstory to this, I would normally choose the Rider Waite depiction and art, unless I was truly moved by a card from a certain deck or I was using said deck at a particular time.* But for this third post of this series, I found that the normal Rider Waite interpretation didn't show or depict enough of the feelings I've felt recently and that I've connected and resonated with the 5 of Wands, so as I went photo hunting around Google, I looked and looked and looked, I couldn't find a perfect 5 of Wands at all, all I got was the regular Rider Waite cards, but finally, I was able to find the right card that shown the feelings I wanted to convey: The Legacy of the Divine's 5 of Wands. Such a beauty by Ciro Marchetti.
Anyway, I'm getting side tracked here, I digress.
Keywords to explain this card would be: Conflict/battle, normally internally and with yourself, but it can also pertain to competitions with others, having a habit of arguing with people or simply disagreement and your own passions within yourself not agreeing with each other.
Let me explain how I feel about this card, this card explains so deeply to how I felt this week, an irrational build up of emotions, red hot, fiery burst of anger and impatience, a feeling of wanting to argue and fight with someone to let off some steam.
You know how you have this ONE horrible, bad luck, no good, not nice and horribly unlucky, damned stupid day? Yeah, I had one this week. Just bad thing, after bad thing, it was only minor annoyances, to be honest, but I just had such a low tolerance of patience that day, I believe I could even feel (in this case; remember) my patience slowly thinning out and stretching till I was ready to about snap.
You know that feeling, your eyelid and the skin under your eye and between your cheek, it's twitching just a bit, you're clenching your jaw a tiny bit, you have to breath in deeply, counting down from 10 or counting up to 10, just so you can focus on something other than you're mounting frustration and anger. You can feel your heart beating a little louder, a little faster, you can't help but talk yourself out of your anger like "Oh, it's nothing, just be a bit more patient, no need to blow up on anyone and embarrass yourself, right? Just calm down, take a deep breath, smile, don't look like you're pissed off and wanting to chew someone's head off, come on, damn it, SMILE. Damn it, calm the fuck down! You're probably getting red in the face. Oh god, people can probably feel the tension and frustration welling up inside you!" Ugh. And the thing is, the people around you are just pissing you off more and more by the minute. From morning till the end of the day, it's the little annoyances that get to you, they pile up and up and up... And then you're this close to demanding (politely, damn you.) for whoever was in charge so you can talk to them and complain your problem, but noooooooo you have to be patient some more, because you need to be polite and responsible and you, as an naturally anxious person, don't want to remember this day as the day you blew up and embarrassed yourself in your local store and demanded to see their manager, whilst thinking you had a damn good excuse to ask for them and complain, so you wait some more, observing the situation and the people that are pissing you the hell off, you observe them and scrutinize them and dissect them, you're an anxious person, you can do this, you always do this for the most useless or mundane reasons, anyway! So you observe, on the pretense of "waiting out things to come into your favor and just be patience, please." but really, you're just finding a good reason that's solid enough so you can complain and be on the victory side of things, you'll have the damn good satisfaction of a done good job, releasing your tension and your annoyance and your frustration.
That is, if you find a good reason to complain, if you don't and you do explode on them, that's when you, in 10 years time or 30, remember that day and cringe at how embarrassing that memory was and that's when the thoughts will continue on, the horrible, anxiety-filled thoughts, and it will continue on for the next few minutes or the whole day, until you forget about it again.
Now, that I've released some of my own tension through my writing and I've explained the little backstory to this card and how I resonate with it through that story, I will now continue on how I really feel in co-relation to this card.
The internal struggle of fighting with yourself, arguing and fighting with yourself internally, see how these 5 people in the card are fighting among themselves, but the thing is, they're basically of the same being, they grow within the same "root", they grow together, they're supposed to be in harmony with each other, because if you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone(s) then you got to at least enjoy being with each other, but they're fighting, they look so angry and frustrated and they look just about fed up to start hitting each other like grown up children.
Anger is common with us all, we all get frustrated, we all get ticked off with someone or something, we all experience a blinding, red-filled, frustratingly heated rage within ourselves. Our blood is pumping, we're clenching our fists, our head is getting filled with hot seething red rage. Our first reaction is to scream at someone for the smallest mistake, we're tense, someone cuts in front of us and we have the immediate response to call them out on it. When someone is being rude, or has a rude tone to their voice, we have the immediate response to be rude right back at them, escalating the situation till you and that person are in a screaming match, or much worse, you're the only one screaming, and that's just embarrassing. Don't be that person. Don't EVER be that person, as much as you can try it. I know a few people like that and I feel embarrassed for them, because this is just a sad thing to do, if you do it just for the hell of it. Screaming your point doesn't make it right.
This is the reason why I keep a tight hold of my conflict wanting, tense filled self.
I'm not normally so, what's the word? Confrontational, yes, that's the word. I'm not normally so confrontational, I hate conflict normally and I detest arguments of any kind unless both people know it's in jest and taken not seriously or heatedly. But alas, there are days when your patience has run unbearably thin and your head and face are quick to heat up and redden. These are the days when it's the hardest to argue with yourself to not argue and confront others, just to let off some steam.
This ^ up here, is how I relate things to the 5 of Wands. There's quite a bit of cursing, my apologies, I've been getting in tune with my fiery, Wands, side recently. Need to chill out with my Cups. ;)
I wonder how you guys think of this? Hope to hear from you!
With love, hope and positive energies
- Luna.
*1 [though, more often than not, that would be more used in my "Card Quotes" series, not the "Reflections" one.]
