Deck: Joie De Vivre by Paulina Cassidy.
Card: 4 of Cups.
Luna's Keywords: Apathy, indifference to what's around you, emptiness and a feeling of tenseness. Stuck in place. Not being able to connect to outside or even inside forces. Feeling melancholy. Disconnection. Longing.
At least, that's what you think.
I imagine being in a bubble, or a box in this case, a crystal clear glass box. You're inside it and it constantly moves along with you but the thing is, you always know its there. You push against it as you stare at a friend or loved one in front of you, [they're smiling at you] you can feel the glass, you can feel the obstruction, you know you can't fully feel what's going on around you. You can't feel what's happening outside.
It's like with feelings, is what I'm trying to say, everyone is constantly moving, constantly feeling, and you're just... Here. You're just existing and the thing is, it makes you think more clearly, it makes you think more deeply, more logically.
People come to you for advice, people come to you for help, people come to you for you to listen.
Now people who knew how you really felt, wouldn't, because a person like you, someone cold, logical and unfeeling, you wouldn't understand, now would you? You'd just be frank, honest, give them the cold hard truth, because that's all you know. That's what they think though.
There's a tingle inside your chest, a twitch of a frown in your cheeks and you can't help but reach out, pressing your hands against that clear glass wall, making it hard for you to reach out and give them person a hug, to truly connect with them emotionally, but it's hard, something is blocking you and you can't move it, you don't know how. So you do the next best thing, you speak, they can hear you, right? Right.... You speak and you tell them how it is, but you try your damnedest to be gentle, you try your best to think up solutions, to think up how to fix the situation, to think up how to make them feel better, but most of all, you think up the best ways to both heal them from the inside and help them improve and better themselves, to make them feel better and learn from what hurt them.
You may feel apathy, you may feel indifference, you may even feel like you're separated from the outside world, but you're in a fine line, you feel others, you feel pain for them, you feel compassion, but you can't even let yourself feel your own feelings deeply, you keep it above ground, above the water.
Everyday stuff passes you by, everyday feelings, you just take life as it comes, day to day, hour to hour. Everyone is moving in hyper speed, while it feels like you're walking and moving in slow motion, your eyes straining to catch up as they all move so fast. You're lagging behind.
Alright! Enough existential, psychological mumbo jumbo!
Onto my final hurrah, the card itself.
I was thinking up this topic just a few hours ago when I first sat down to write, I was thinking of existential crap, apathy and indifference, but also the feeling of wanting to help others, even if you cannot help yourself. I began to look at some of the 4 of Cups images on Google, then in a sudden burst of inspiration, I remembered I had the Joie De Vivre Tarot! I was looking through it the other day and then BAM! It hit me, the best image, the best card from a deck I could pull up and use was exactly that. The Four of Cups from the Joie De Vivre Tarot.
Just look at it, [I will call the main focus of the card, the cat-like creature, Cat.] Everyone around Cat is happy, celebrating, being carefree and merry, but he is looking at his reflection, or the pond, which could signify his emotions, his pent up feelings, he wants to reconnect with those feelings, to immerse himself in it, but he's on dry land, grounded, safe, logical. Cat looks scared, uncertain, so morose and melancholy.
Inside the water, can you just imagine it? You're surrounded by friends, they're having fun, they're having a dang good fun in their party and you're just... there, staring at your reflection... Maybe if you took a dip in, splash around, have fun! The others would join in and... Can you just feel the laughter in the air, the cool water on your skin, the smiles straining your cheeks and having the light, cheerful air around you? Wouldn't it be amazing?
But you keep those thoughts away, you cover your head, your heart, your ears, muffling them out, keeping the thoughts quiet with your big box around your head. While others are having fun around you, living their life, you stick to your box, you chose to keep it out.
Will you continue to look towards a solution, but never reaching out? Will you continue to tune out your life, or will you finally take that stupid box off your head?
Will you finally feel a deeper feeling now?
With love, hope and positivity
- Luna
Dang! I had such a great time writing this, it just kept flowing out!
